This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Relax with your friends in The Den.... :satan:
Jamie
Posts: 22342
Joined: 08 Jul 2004, 18:36

This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jamie » 14 Mar 2017, 19:27

When I first joined DenDen years ago, the forum was kind of fun. There was more of a community here. Sure, people argued and there were clashes of personality - that's natural. I used to troll people sometimes and I'd cause arguments for fun even up until a few years ago. I'm in no way calling myself a saint or above the behaviour that's happening in recent times.

Now, this place is legitimately unbearable to be. Dennis doesn't care. All the admins and mods don't care (bar Jay of course). People are downright nasty. So many nice posters have been driven away due to the unbelievable behaviour here. You can't say anything here anymore without someone jumping down your throat or someone saying something's shit or someone resorting to personal attacks. I get that it's easy to retaliate - I have been recently but I'm trying not to - but can we all just remember that we're all meant to be adults here? As a whole, this forum acts like 12 year olds. I'm ashamed to even be a part of this forum anymore and the only reason I even stay around is any potential campaigns for music.

Can we all agree to at least start treating each other and everyone's opinions with a little respect rather than just being defensive and personal for once? Maybe we can try and get back to something nice again? It's either that or Dennis needs to shut this forum down for good because it's a vile place to be associated with at present.
Jimboid
Posts: 118
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 20:19

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jimboid » 14 Mar 2017, 20:24

The premise for DenDen and Dotmusic before it, was always an exciting one, the idea that people from all manner of different walks, backgrounds and points across the globe could come together and share thoughts, views and ideas. All of that still stands, so I suppose it's worth questioning what has changed. The commentt about respect feels a key one, for a place to feel safe and neutral, people need to feel their views are listened to and treated with respect - however much thinking around them might vary.

Likewise, at various stages all of us feel things deeply and sometimes it takes time to move from a position of emotion to one where we can see things more logically and rationally. That's natural, but it doesn't always feel as though people have been given that opportunity. One of the remarkable things about technology is that it has allowed us to be close to people that might geographically be thousands upon thousands of miles from us. That is an incredible and humbling thought. However, the downside is that when we type in front of our screens, we don't always recognise the humanity and (at times), the fragility of the people with whom we converse. I suppose some of the more rancorous qualities you refer to probably arise from the disappointment people have felt regarding various half-promises and plans and reactions and responses to bad news, or things where people have invested a lot of emotion and energy, is always going to be something of a trial.

I hope your message gets lots of replies and that it might be the start, however small, of a bit of a change. Incidentally, on that note, it is good to e-meet you!
User avatar
FiaSpice
Posts: 20595
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Female
Custom Title: Not immune
Country: Canada
Location: Montréal, Québec
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby FiaSpice » 14 Mar 2017, 21:51

It's true that many great people just stopped goin on Denden. Most of the friends I've "meet" are not posting anymore. I've seen the forum decline over the last few years. But now with the modmin not much there (bar poor Jay who seems to be having a lot on his shoulder) I feel that this place is a free for all. I often though "just don't log in anymore", but in the end I come back, mainly because of FOMO on a leak. I though the post about a new mod team/new mod would mean hope, but it's gonna be almost 2 months and nothing.
Image
Spice & Solo stuff for sale here
kamel
Posts: 4510
Joined: 04 Aug 2009, 12:12
Gender: Male

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby kamel » 14 Mar 2017, 22:40

I think people take things little a bit too far, it just a forum to discuss about something, some people might agree , some people might not agree, we should respect that and other people views of things but without bitching etc .
Image
User avatar
Snapple Spice
Posts: 2437
Joined: 06 Aug 2006, 02:10
Gender: Female
Country: United_States
Location: New York
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Snapple Spice » 14 Mar 2017, 23:30

The negativity is really immature. I've only met a few people from Denden in real life, and it wasn't like this at all. I love Denden because it keeps me in the loop and I like talking about everything going on in MC world, so I would still be really sad to see it go. Hope it doesn't come to that.
~I Love Melanie C :)~
herman22j
Posts: 1395
Joined: 07 Jul 2005, 11:17
Gender: Male
Country: Netherlands
Location: Amsterdam

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby herman22j » 15 Mar 2017, 00:24

It indeed is. I don't post that quickly any post here anymore because last time people were very very mean about the topic i opened. I'm just here to see how the Spice Girls are doing as solo/group...
NUFF SAID
User avatar
TeddyBear
Posts: 9596
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Male
Custom Title: hit the lights
Country: Turkey

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby TeddyBear » 15 Mar 2017, 10:32

As a whole, internet communities got a lot more negative and hostile in the last decade and DenDen is sadly one of those communities. i also think the lack of moderation is not helping things either...
Image
User avatar
Paul
Posts: 9615
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Male
Custom Title: Say No To The World
Country: United_Kingdom
Location: West Midlands, UK
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Paul » 15 Mar 2017, 11:51

It is really sad - I do miss the days of fun, lively discussion on here and melaniec.net forums. It would be good to invigorate some life into the forums and perhaps actively promote topics to all registered members to entice some back! :)
Image
Stas
Posts: 7567
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Male
Custom Title: straight forward
Country: Finland
Location: Helsinki, Finland
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Stas » 15 Mar 2017, 15:39

Just ignore all the negativity and stop causing it (I don't think a lot of people enjoy sarcasm here at all, although I do and one should really know how to laugh at yourself). Rise above even if you have a point of view and feel like arguing, just step aside and move on to another topic. I know it's hard for people who think they know everything about everything, especially with fans who cannot control their emotions when it comes to their favorite artist. But it's just weird, because some of us in our thirties. It's the same with everything: food, politics, religion. It's useless to argue about those things. People will always have an opinion about everything, the question is, how many people really care?! :D Just let it go. Then it will become much easier.
Image
User avatar
sammy01
Posts: 12523
Joined: 24 Apr 2007, 15:30

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby sammy01 » 15 Mar 2017, 21:54

People just need to be less sensitive, how do you cope in real life if you get so upset by opinions like people do on here. I mean if you are sat with 5 people you work with and a song you like comes on the radio and one of them says they don't like it and it is shit, do you call them a troll and make a personal attack. I would hope not.

The posters who come across as 12 year olds to me are posters like Red Boy who honestly cant even comprehend others opinions that aren't pro Mel C, it is tiring to think something is rubbish and be honest about it to have some like that constantly making personal insults/attacks etc. Like why be on a forum if you have no interest in opinions that don't match yours.
Follw me, you know you want to - https://twitter.com/Sammyb01
Jamie
Posts: 22342
Joined: 08 Jul 2004, 18:36

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jamie » 15 Mar 2017, 22:50

And boom goes the dynamite.
Jimboid
Posts: 118
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 20:19

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jimboid » 16 Mar 2017, 01:06

sammy01 wrote:The posters who come across as 12 year olds to me are posters like Red Boy who honestly cant even comprehend others opinions that aren't pro Mel C, it is tiring to think something is rubbish and be honest about it to have some like that constantly making personal insults/attacks etc. Like why be on a forum if you have no interest in opinions that don't match yours.


Clearly Red Boy's opinions do not match your own, as per your last sentence, but doesn't this type of argument become a little cyclical? Any type of personal attack or insult feels unjust, but could it be argued that by stating Red Boy comes across as a 12 year old that he might feel that way too.

It is always tiring trying to convince someone of a position when they firmly believe otherwise. I am sure Red Boy feels the same way about his views on Mel C, so how do things move beyond these two polar extremes so that both of you can feel energies are used more productively and that there is greater satisfaction in posting and being part of the boards?

One of the things, for me, that makes life special and worthwhile is our ability to think and feel, a part of that is about sensitivity, being alert and alive to how others might be reacting and responding to situations. I'm not entirely sure that the ideal is not that people are more rather than less sensitive, that can be at its most challenging when encountering views in direct opposition with our own.
User avatar
megzluvsmelc
Posts: 13317
Joined: 15 Oct 2007, 09:07
Gender: Female
Custom Title: Beautiful Mind
Country: Australia
Location: Melbourne/Victoria
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby megzluvsmelc » 16 Mar 2017, 01:55

Sadly, I have to agree with Jamie here. There is so many members that I made friends here don't post or visit anymore due to the negatively towards Melanie C or Victoria for not joining the reunion. There is no active Modmins/Admins bar the poor Jay for the last few years. Of course there's spammers as well. We are all in our late 20's-early 30's now and I think some Spice Girls fans needs to grow up! Jay isn't on here 24/7 like everyone else does. And no wonder why the girls dislikes this place nowadays.
Image
User avatar
sammy01
Posts: 12523
Joined: 24 Apr 2007, 15:30

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby sammy01 » 16 Mar 2017, 02:22

Jimboid wrote:
sammy01 wrote:The posters who come across as 12 year olds to me are posters like Red Boy who honestly cant even comprehend others opinions that aren't pro Mel C, it is tiring to think something is rubbish and be honest about it to have some like that constantly making personal insults/attacks etc. Like why be on a forum if you have no interest in opinions that don't match yours.


Clearly Red Boy's opinions do not match your own, as per your last sentence, but doesn't this type of argument become a little cyclical? Any type of personal attack or insult feels unjust, but could it be argued that by stating Red Boy comes across as a 12 year old that he might feel that way too.

It is always tiring trying to convince someone of a position when they firmly believe otherwise. I am sure Red Boy feels the same way about his views on Mel C, so how do things move beyond these two polar extremes so that both of you can feel energies are used more productively and that there is greater satisfaction in posting and being part of the boards?

One of the things, for me, that makes life special and worthwhile is our ability to think and feel, a part of that is about sensitivity, being alert and alive to how others might be reacting and responding to situations. I'm not entirely sure that the ideal is not that people are more rather than less sensitive, that can be at its most challenging when encountering views in direct opposition with our own.


Adult life is all about being less sensitive and just accepting other people's opinions, things they do etc. I work with people I don't like some of their opinions or things they do but I don't constantly attack them for it.

This forum just has far too many posters who aren't very emotionally mature, see Jamie's knee-jerk reaction post the one above yours. I mean the guy who opened this thread told me to get counselling a couple of days ago, because I was just direct and honest and said something sounded shit.
Follw me, you know you want to - https://twitter.com/Sammyb01
Jimboid
Posts: 118
Joined: 09 Jan 2009, 20:19

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jimboid » 16 Mar 2017, 11:09

sammy01 wrote:Adult life is all about being less sensitive and just accepting other people's opinions, things they do etc. I work with people I don't like some of their opinions or things they do but I don't constantly attack them for it.

This forum just has far too many posters who aren't very emotionally mature, see Jamie's knee-jerk reaction post the one above yours. I mean the guy who opened this thread told me to get counselling a couple of days ago, because I was just direct and honest and said something sounded shit.


Does adult life really have to be about being less sensitive? Sensitivity is the start of understanding and empathy, it can drive change, can create points of shared understanding and thereby provide the foundations from which friendships can be forged. It's a huge part of what being human - and humane - is, I'm not sure being less sensitive in the way that's suggested above constitutes anything other than repression? If so, ultimately that will always be unhelpful.

Attacking somebody because of their views is unlikely ever to yield results, but equally it doesn't mean that opinions or actions that feel reprehensible should necessarily go unchallenged? Edmund Burke made the comment, 'all that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good men do nothing'. In many ways in the current global climate that feels incredibly pertinent. Perhaps it is easy to feel powerless, to feel that world events are so large and so distant from us that they lie outside our influence. Change the way we think and feel though and we can exert some small changes and the more momentum lies behind those small changes, the greater their overall impact.

Emotional maturity is surely about recognising in ourselves the capacity for emotion, the influences and power those can hold when unchecked and knowing how to express those so as that emotional responses and reactions are controlled? As much as recognising that in ourselves, it is probably also about recognising that in others too and being aware of their needs - even when those individuals might hold radically different opinions to our own. At points it can be easy to feel ensnared by situations from our past and for this to limit or restrict what can happen in our present - and therefore future. It's clear from what's written that there is a history and a conflict between you and Jamie. Indeed your comments about counselling, show that there were sensitivities to the criticism, however much the stance might be made for adult life being about less sensitivity. Does conflict have to be an end-point though? Probably not, but in order that it isn't there has to be a willingness to negotiate around any conflict and to see beyond it and recognise some of the sensitivities that have existed in arguments and why those might have arisen. That's how we develop and grow, not just individually but also as a community - on the forum - and as society more widely. Sensitivity feels key to all of that, without it we are blind to what happens around us and are stumbling through the dark...
User avatar
Andres
Posts: 22258
Joined: 23 Nov 2004, 05:21
Gender: Male
Custom Title: HeadBitchInCharge
Country: Argentina

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Andres » 16 Mar 2017, 13:10

Coming here it's a struggle, most of the people I loved are no longer posting :(
Image
User avatar
Madrigal
Posts: 20930
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Female
Custom Title: Sheerio
Country: United_States
Location: Michigan, USA

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Madrigal » 16 Mar 2017, 19:49

Andres wrote:Coming here it's a struggle, most of the people I loved are no longer posting :(


Sadly, this is the same reason for me. :(
Image
User avatar
felx
Posts: 3942
Joined: 05 Jan 2006, 15:03
Gender: Male
Country: Serbia
Location: Subotica

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby felx » 16 Mar 2017, 20:03

Andres wrote:Coming here it's a struggle, most of the people I loved are no longer posting :(


maybe you could befriend with other new people???.... :shrug:
Image
"'Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat: 'we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'"
User avatar
Fenrik
Posts: 15641
Joined: 18 May 2007, 13:36
Gender: Male
Custom Title: OSLOVE
Country: Norway
Location: Oslo
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Fenrik » 16 Mar 2017, 22:01

Andres wrote:Coming here it's a struggle, most of the people I loved are no longer posting :(


I´m still here ;)
Image
User avatar
Mikerecords
Posts: 8808
Joined: 28 Jul 2007, 18:14
Gender: Male
Previous username(s): -Mike-
Custom Title: The 004
Country: Netherlands

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Mikerecords » 16 Mar 2017, 22:49

I miss DenDen from the old days... so many memories! But I guess people also left because you have Facebook groups now and forums are not that popular anymore.
Image
THE sequel to GEM's "Song For Her"...
Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeKNs7v1ONA
The 'Song For Me' release date is scheduled for May 16.
The single will be released on online channels including Amazon, iTunes, Spotify, Beatport and more.

http://www.instagram.com/the004official
User avatar
Snapple Spice
Posts: 2437
Joined: 06 Aug 2006, 02:10
Gender: Female
Country: United_States
Location: New York
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Snapple Spice » 17 Mar 2017, 03:39

Mikerecords wrote:I miss DenDen from the old days... so many memories! But I guess people also left because you have Facebook groups now and forums are not that popular anymore.


The facebook pages are nice and everything, but there are so many of them I never know which ones to actually pay attention to. I also don't like posting a lot about my MC obsession on the same platform where coworkers "follow" me haha.
~I Love Melanie C :)~
User avatar
FiaSpice
Posts: 20595
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Female
Custom Title: Not immune
Country: Canada
Location: Montréal, Québec
Contact:

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby FiaSpice » 17 Mar 2017, 14:57

Snapple Spice wrote:
Mikerecords wrote:I miss DenDen from the old days... so many memories! But I guess people also left because you have Facebook groups now and forums are not that popular anymore.


The facebook pages are nice and everything, but there are so many of them I never know which ones to actually pay attention to. I also don't like posting a lot about my MC obsession on the same platform where coworkers "follow" me haha.

Don't be ashamed!

Everyone in my office (and past jobs) knew about my SG/MC love. I have a huge SG poster (mainly to block the sun coming trough the glass wall) and I printed Melanie C's song lrics on a VOM promo picture.
Image
Spice & Solo stuff for sale here
User avatar
Andres
Posts: 22258
Joined: 23 Nov 2004, 05:21
Gender: Male
Custom Title: HeadBitchInCharge
Country: Argentina

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Andres » 18 Mar 2017, 02:31

Fenrik wrote:
Andres wrote:Coming here it's a struggle, most of the people I loved are no longer posting :(


I´m still here ;)



Image

:p
Image
BootyliciousJosh
Posts: 17645
Joined: 28 Jun 2004, 02:32
Gender: Male
Country: United_States
Location: Los Angeles

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby BootyliciousJosh » 18 Mar 2017, 18:08

We're all in our late 20s-40s already. The majority of us joined when we were teenagers or pre-teens. The older I get, the more I could care less or don't have time for bullshit and fuckery - maybe I'm not the only one who has that.

When I see bickering arise here, I try not to even bother and reply, because I already know there will be a bullshit response or someone will take something out of context - I mean it's text after all and we don't know how things are said.

I still post here because I don't have anywhere else to go to get Spice related news or campaigns (lol). And I do enjoy reading some of the posts still and like to keep in touch with some people.
Image
Jamie
Posts: 22342
Joined: 08 Jul 2004, 18:36

Re: This isn't a nice place to be anymore.

Postby Jamie » 18 Mar 2017, 19:58

sammy01 wrote:Adult life is all about being less sensitive and just accepting other people's opinions, things they do etc. I work with people I don't like some of their opinions or things they do but I don't constantly attack them for it.

This forum just has far too many posters who aren't very emotionally mature, see Jamie's knee-jerk reaction post the one above yours. I mean the guy who opened this thread told me to get counselling a couple of days ago, because I was just direct and honest and said something sounded shit.


What I'm about to write has taken a while to construct because I didn't want to reply to you as I fear you're just going to dismiss it all completely like you usually do, but I'm going to give it one last try. None of what I'm writing here is in a bitchy tone, it's just in a regular, calm tone and I hope you read it as such and don't take anything as an attack or that I'm trying to start an argument. I'm not. I want a truce and I want things to be nice again on here for everybody but to do that, things need addressing.

The counseling comment was not bitchy or shady, it's a genuine concern for you because the way you come across on here is really angry and frustrated and it's sad to read because I get that. You all remember what I was like on here. I have anger issues and counseling has helped me get past some of them and try to control them for the most part.

My reaction wasn't knee-jerk in the slightest, you kind of just proved my point a thousand times over. You genuinely spoil this forum for me and it gets very tiresome having to read things you write because you don't allow for anyone to have an opinion unless it matches yours and when someone does challenge you, you get very defensive and attack people.

People just need to be less sensitive, how do you cope in real life if you get so upset by opinions like people do on here


This is a massive example of the hypocrisy you have on here too. You are one of the people who reacts the worst when someone disagrees with you and yet, we all need to be 'less sensitive'. I just want to re-iterate - I am not having a go at you, I'm just pointing out some things. I believe everyone is a hypocrite - I admit I am one - but surely for someone as smart as yourself, you can see why people would get annoyed by how you come across on here? Telling a group of people who have just praised something that what they like is 'shit' without actually offering any reason why is going to upset some people. Over the years, one of the best things I've learned is that not everything needs my opinion. I got myself into lots of trouble occasionally because I couldn't just keep my mouth shut. Sometimes, things happen and no matter how much you bitch or moan or comment on it is going to change the result. Me telling somebody their music taste is shit isn't going to change their music taste, it's going to make people think I'm shit. Maybe you could focus on many of the good things in your life or things you enjoy rather than spoiling what everyone else enjoys instead? I know personally I found myself a lot happier within myself when I took a step back and stopped focusing on how much I hated someone or something.

You're an intelligent guy, Sam, but your attitude is frustrating and almost unbearable online. You were very personally harsh towards me on Twitter a while back which is why I blocked you. I don't want to stir up mess or create any more for myself, I just want the best for everyone and I don't have the patience or the inclination to hate anyone anymore. I just hope you can take something from this and at least see where I'm coming from.

----

A note to everybody: I think half the problem with this forum is the fact that people read into things a lot. A post can be taken the wrong way so easily even if the person has the best intentions. I've been reading sammy01's posts in a certain way and maybe I'm wrong too, who knows. I'll use this sentence as an example: "I never said he took my money". That sentence alone can have seven different meanings depending on what word you stress. Try putting the stress on each individual word and repeat it each time. This happens on here a lot. I wish people would take a step back before taking issue with something someone has said.

Return to “Small Talk”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 9 guests