Can I just vent?

[Madrigal]

I didn't really feel small talk was the appropriate place to vent about it at. Here less people look (or so I think?) and it's a much better place.

I feel like I'm under a lot of scrutiny here at my house and in my group of friends.. Not by my mom. Not just my sister, but by my friends, too. Luckily I have a few great friends who aren't judging me right now. My sister is constantly berating me about my weight. Telling me what I should or shouldn't eat, etc. Saying shit like, "Do you KNOW how many trans fat is in that!?". Jesus, it's like get off my back.

As for my friend, she's super into fitness, and we used to be super close. I haven't seen her since Easter weekend of this year. She runs marathons, and is currently training for triathlon (sp?). And she's always posting quotes on Facebook about how if we aren't active enough early on in life, we never will be later. She has every right to post it, but it does bother me. I feel like she has purposely avoided me this whole summer because she's too busy with her fitness and is afraid to ask me to do anything with her because I can't run and walking long distances kills my back.

A couple of weeks ago I posted in the "what ruined your day thread", that I was diagnosed with arthritis in my knees and back. I knew the back would be inevitable because I broke it in 2001. And I'm sure being overweight does NOT help at all.

Anyway, I told another friend about the arthritis, and goes on about how she wants to help motivate me. Do low-impact exercises, like yoga. We're currently trying to find a place that does yoga for a decent price. Most places we have found are $75/month for beginners. I don't have that kind of money. So hopefully something will pan out. I'm too heavy for the Wii fit platform, so I can't do it on that. Maybe I could mimic her moves she does on there. I don't know, we'll have to see.

I'm just tired of being judged about my weight. It doesn't make who I am. Hell no it doesn't. It's just an outward appearance. And dammit, I'm not ugly either. So why does being over weight bother so many people? I will never understand it. I'm not harming them by being overweight. They might think it's disgusting. But they can fuck off for all I care. I'm a good and kind person and I do good in this world. I don't judge. I don't know. I just wish the world was the same. But there's going to be some dolt who can't look past a person's weight.

GRR!

[Mama Dee]

amen...

[Paul!]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.
But please understand that not everyone is judging you because of your weight, but maybe they're just worried it might have a disastrous impact on your health.

[Madrigal]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.

Well, that's just low. You never know and might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You don't do shit like that.

[Joanhs]

I feel ya.. I'm tired of the "Sure you are not pregnant?" jokes, because I have always been a skinny girl, but when I gain a little weight I get a little bump on my stomach, and right now I can't fit into any clothes, and I don't have money to buy something.
But I started exercizing last week, and I take it as slow as I can. I do have some bad thing to say about SOME obese people, because funny enough, their attitude to life is sometimes crappy. They critisize skinny people too, and SOME of them are lazy ass hell and demanding, and doesn't want to have a real job because "i just don't understand why my knee hurts?? And my bag? I don't know why".. But some people are really also big and beautiful, and can "wear" it if you know what I mean, it's all about the attitude. As long people know it isn't healthy. Just like smokers should know what they are doing to themself. Don't misunderstand me, please.

[Paul!]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.

Well, that's just low. You never know and might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You don't do shit like that.

So, you would just let it pass you by? If your best friend is only skin and bones, or so big that they can hardly move anymore, you wouldn't intervene? I dont deny that there are wrong ways to say it, but Id deffo say something to them and/or make them go and look for help.

[Anthonypierards]

saying in to someone 24/7 makes it worse!! U feel like eating even more because U want to prove yourself that they did NOT hurt you, that they didn't have an impact, and the best way to laugh it off, is to eat! So you give them the impression that you don't care about it, and U feel comfortable enough to eat it.

People should THINK before they make remarks to someone else!

[Madrigal]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.

Well, that's just low. You never know and might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You don't do shit like that.

So, you would just let it pass you by? If your best friend is only skin and bones, or so big that they can hardly move anymore, you wouldn't intervene? I dont deny that there are wrong ways to say it, but Id deffo say something to them and/or make them go and look for help.

I've never been in that situation. Besides, I'm talking about myself. There's a difference between constructive criticism and being a jerk. They are straight up making snide comments about what I eat, how much I eat, etc. It's not nice. I would rather them leave me alone. I KNOW what's going on in MY head. I don't need unsolicited advice from them.

If someone was going through an eating disorder, I'd probably offer them some ADVICE, but only if they asked. I would be there for them if they needed me. But I definitely wouldn't criticize them because they have bad eating habits or an an eating disorder. That's just wrong. Besides, you can't MAKE someone change. They've got to want to do it on their own. I can't force someone to go get help, even if people and I were to stage an intervention. They still have the right to say "no". Which is where you set boundaries.

[DarkInk]

It's YOUR body, it's YOUR life. Friends don't judge the way we look and live, if they ARE our friends they need to learn to accept it, if they don't, you don't need them.

[Suzanne]

People should stop judging people by their weight. Really I don't understand why people do that?
It's your body, so you are the one who decides what you're doing with it.

[Suzanne]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.

Well, that's just low. You never know and might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You don't do shit like that.

So, you would just let it pass you by? If your best friend is only skin and bones, or so big that they can hardly move anymore, you wouldn't intervene? I dont deny that there are wrong ways to say it, but Id deffo say something to them and/or make them go and look for help.

But when do you decide that it is time to do something? Some people are just skinny and can't gain weight. Not everyone who is super skinny has an eating disorder. Not everyone who is obese eats the whole day etc.

I had a teacher who talked to classmates about my weight. Behind my back! She asked them to look what I would eat on a day. Really that hurted so much. Yeah I'm skinny. But I'm already skinny since I was a baby. She could have asked me first, but no she decided to talk about me behind my back.

[Paul!]

I dont care if someone is fat, obese, super skinny...whatever... but I will criticise them for jeopardying their health, and I think that every good friend of familiy member should do that.

Well, that's just low. You never know and might say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You don't do shit like that.

So, you would just let it pass you by? If your best friend is only skin and bones, or so big that they can hardly move anymore, you wouldn't intervene? I dont deny that there are wrong ways to say it, but Id deffo say something to them and/or make them go and look for help.

But when do you decide that it is time to do something? Some people are just skinny and can't gain weight. Not everyone who is super skinny has an eating disorder. Not everyone who is obese eats the whole day etc.

I had a teacher who talked to classmates about my weight. Behind my back! She asked them to look what I would eat on a day. Really that hurted so much. Yeah I'm skinny. But I'm already skinny since I was a baby. She could have asked me first, but no she decided to talk about me behind my back.

Well I'll stick to my opinion. Like I said, there ARE wrong and right ways to do it (obviously your teacher is a complete twat for doing that behind your back), but I still think that when a good friend or a family member shows some signs of anorexia or obesity that it's your duty to act before it's too late. I understand that some people are just thin, but if someone says anything that just means they care for you?

[[gb]]

^I can see both sides. My bff is by nature super skinny I knew she ate what I or no one else knew is she had a thyroid issue. She went to the health dept. a few weeks ago on another issue and they asked her if she knew she had thyroid issues. The only thing we knew was she couldn't gain weight even eating a ton of calories when she was pregnant. She also lost the weight w/o even trying. Also I didn't know it until a few months ago but I have PCOS and one of the worst cases of insulin resistance my doc has ever seen making it very difficult to lose weight. I know me and her have been asked about our issues and I know we never took it the wrong way if it was done in the RIGHT way.

However, I have had some nag me about it constantly, and I don't think that helps on any issue. I'm the type that thinks about what someone says and figures out if/how it applies to me and my life and I don't need to hear it 25 more times. But I did have people honestly watch me eat and thought I probably had a thyroid problem or PCOS and wanted me to get checked out. But at the time I didn't have all of the signs yet. Anyway yeah there's a couple of reasons why I find it almost impossible to lose weight. I don't think that's mentioned enough to people that there can be reasons you're skinny/heavy and sometimes those health issues can be dangerous.

For example, if you don't take care of PCOS you can have a very high risk for certain cancers, increased risk for stroke even more than the being overweight, ditto for heart attacks and other issues. But if you take care of the issues although not curable your risks go down to almost the same as others. But I will say I have had friends of all sizes and some are healthy and some are not. But if you're 200 lbs. overweight you're not healthy or if you're 50 lbs. underweight you're probably not healthy either. I'm saying this as someone 150+ lbs. overweight. But like I say they've increased my glucophage and hopefully that will help my insulin resistance.

[Mama Dee]

what amount arw you on now? how long have you been on it?

[[gb]]

^A couple of years at least I would say. 850mg 3x a day I started out on 500 mg 1x a day and they gradually upped it from there. They do tests every few months. Although I have Barrett's esophagus now so they may have to lower it/change what I'm on because of that I don't know.

[Madrigal]

Bottom line is body policing needs to stop. Like I said, a person's weight doesn't define them.

[Narrator]

Well, I can see both sides of the argument. I don't think there's anything wrong with being over/underweight if you feel confortable and healthy. It's nobodys business but your own!
However, if it reaches unhealthy proportions, and people get either too big or too skinny that it starts to affect their life adversely I don't see what's wrong with family and friends voicing their concerns... I mean, that's what friends are for, right? I wouldn't want people close to me to blindly pat me on the back no matter what I did. I rather get honest opinions and advice on how to improve myself and get over the obstacles in my life. At least that's how I see it...

[Dr_Pepe]

i understand about pressuring people becuz of their wieht back in highschool when i was 230 pounds my family and friends used to get on my ass about losing wieght cuz i was getting "fat" now ive lost all that wieght and im 170 pounds now and now all i hear about is how skinny i am and need to gain more wieght so ya people need to keep thier opinions to thier damn self cuz i know what best for me and you know what best for you. so if anyone pressures you about your wieght or tell you what vto eat leave them with a kind little "go fuck yourself"

[Madrigal]

I pretty much mind my own business and don't ask for advice when it comes time to my weight. And I LOATHE unsolicited advice. So, it's rare when I want someone's opinion. Unless you've been through what I'm going through or a doctor. I don't want to hear what you have to say.

None of these people hammering me with "advice" and body policing me have ever been as overweight as I am. That's what pisses me off. They don't see where I'm coming from. And it's none of their goddamned business to tell me what I can and cannot eat. And how to exercise. They need to get off their fucking high horse and mind their business. When (and if) I come to them, then they can give a piece of mind. Until then, they need to sit down, and shut up.

No amount of pushing is going to help. It's just going to make me want to dig a hole and crawl into it. It's rude and uncoothe to push someone to do something like that. Gentle nudging, eh, not so bad. But don't fucking tell me I need to do this, that, and the other thing.

Okay, I'm done. lol

*edit* Oh, and another thing... Someone can't change you... you've got to want to change yourself in order TO change. So no amount of badgering me about my weight is going to make me change OR want to. So you might as well stop going on about that.

NOW I'm done.

[Narrator]

I pretty much mind my own business and don't ask for advice when it comes time to my weight. And I LOATHE unsolicited advice. So, it's rare when I want someone's opinion. Unless you've been through what I'm going through or a doctor. I don't want to hear what you have to say.

None of these people hammering me with "advice" and body policing me have ever been as overweight as I am. That's what pisses me off. They don't see where I'm coming from. And it's none of their goddamned business to tell me what I can and cannot eat. And how to exercise. They need to get off their fucking high horse and mind their business. When (and if) I come to them, then they can give a piece of mind. Until then, they need to sit down, and shut up.

No amount of pushing is going to help. It's just going to make me want to dig a hole and crawl into it. It's rude and uncoothe to push someone to do something like that. Gentle nudging, eh, not so bad. But don't fucking tell me I need to do this, that, and the other thing.

Okay, I'm done. lol

*edit* Oh, and another thing... Someone can't change you... you've got to want to change yourself in order TO change. So no amount of badgering me about my weight is going to make me change OR want to. So you might as well stop going on about that.
ht
NOW I'm done.

I hope you're not offended by me asking this, but I'm confused... Do you want to lose the weight or not? Because I thought you did... I never talked to you in private, but I've seen you post about your issues and you even have a topic here about your fitness regime. So if your wishes and your friends advices are all towards the same goal, what's the problem? Would you rather no one gave a fuck about you? Or is it that them talking about it just reminds you that you're not reaching the results you want or not working hard enough and it makes you feel shitty?

[Madrigal]

Yes, I am trying to lose weight. And I'm glad they care. But the past months have been particularly hard for me with not being able to exercise due to arthritis and my sister is constantly body policing me and it makes me feel like shit. Also, I didn't ask for your opinion. And that's not what this is about. I'm just sick and tired of being hounded and constantly reminded of how fat I am. It has nothing to do with how much or how little I exercise, or keeping tabs on what I eat.

[Narrator]

Sorry for my previous post, I didn't mean to be intrusive or sound judgemental, I was just trying to understand where you were coming from. Of course, every situation is unique and nobody can possibly know what you are going through except yourself. My opinion earlier in the thread was only meant as a general rule, not saying that it applied to your specific case What I meant was: sometimes people say those things out of genuine concern, and not because they are trying to pressure or judge anybody.

[Madrigal]

First of all, thanks for clarifying that. I appreciate it.

I just feel like I'm under a lot of scrutiny right now.